Re: My corner of the universe. Shield Space 1 of many

Wow, David.. Your input is great.  I've just skimmed over what you have
written and will put effort into addressing it.

I'm nowhere near a writer by trade, and as this has been written over the
course of years I was simply too close to it to objectively criticize it
properly. I knew it had problems though..

So, for the record I think you've done a great job and obviously have spent
some time on it, and for this I thank you..

FYI: Currently, I have 14 players (and thank whatever god may be out there
that they don't all show at once) which is still somewhat overwhelming, and
it's now to the point where another DM wants to run my universe as well.
Which is cool with me, if downright not flattering, but I need to clear up
the shield Document and other such works I have out there, yikes.

So, how cool will it be to be a player in one's own game?

Clint.


-----Original Message-----
From: Discussion list for the Spelljammer campaign setting
[mailto:SPELLJAMMER-L@??????.???????.com] On Behalf Of David Shepheard
Sent: Sunday, February 13, 2005 10:53 PM
To: SPELLJAMMER-L@??????.???????.com
Subject: Re: [SPELLJAMMER] My corner of the universe. Shield Space 1 of many


----- Original Message -----
From: "Clint Whelly" <Clint.Whelly@?????????.ca>
Subject: [SPELLJAMMER] My corner of the universe. Shield Space 1 of many

> The Universe(s)?
> The universe you find yourself in is a vast place with its borders (if
> any) yet to be found.  Unlike what you would expect, this universe is
> filled with a gas-like substance called commonly referred to as
> Phlogiston.  There are currents and eddies much like an ocean.  This
> gas is luminescent and glows with many different colours, and is
> referred to as the Rainbow Ocean and floating in this ocean are the
> Crystal Spheres.  The ambient temperature fluctuates between 1 and -1
> for the most part.

This reminds me of what my physics teacher used to tell me off about. You
haven't actually said what units of temperature you are using. I would guess
that you are using Celsius as -1 Fahrenheit is very cold and -1 Kelvin does
not exist. If you don't want to mention Celsius then you could say that the
ambient temperature fluctuates within a degree of the freezing point of
water. Mind you, you might think that the scientific concept takes away from
the fantasy and try for a more philosophical and less scientific
explanation.

> Travel between the Crystal Spheres is mostly accomplished via
> SpellJammers, magically powered ships that can travel within the
> phlogiston. Crystal Spheres seem to cause the formation of currents
> from one sphere to the other and SpellJammers can use these currents
> to navigate from sphere to sphere in relative safety.

Is it these currents that are called "the flow"?

Spelljammer should be written without a capital J in the middle of it. I
know it looks like a big J on the logo but that is just the graphic design
work. Capital letters in the middle of words are a modern invention used by
people that want to turn normal words into trademarks. I think that it
really jars you out of the fantasy though when people do this in
Spelljammer. I'm sure people are bored with me saying this about sphere
names with capital letters in them, by now.

By the convention with the word "Spelljammer" is to only capitalise it if
referring to The Spelljammer (the big manta ray shaped ship). When referring
to other spelljamming ships, spelljamming helms the word isn't capitalised.
I'd also use Spelljammer with capitals when referring to the campaign
setting (or write Spelljammer Campaign Setting for clarity). TSR print the
word in all caps with a registered trademark logo at the end whenever they
are referring to the campaign setting. Personally I think that SPELLJAMMER
(R) is jarring as well and don't like it.

You have also capitalised Crystal Spheres. This should only be done if you
are referring to the adventure of that name, otherwise crystal spheres
should be used. Don't forget that to a character in the Spelljammer Campaign
Setting, "crystal sphere" is just part of the universe in the same way that
moon or planet or sun is.

> Many spheres have multiple currents associated to them
> and of these, only a fraction has been discovered (at least by
> Humans).

This should be "...only a fraction have been discovered...".

> Crystal Spheres are huge inclosing entire solar systems, as such its
> very easy to miss just about anything on the surface of a sphere.  The
> phlogiston limits vision to the point where by the time you can see a
> sphere wall its surface appears perfectly flat and only a section of
> about 100 miles across is visible.  There is no danger of slamming
> into a Crystal Sphere, as its mass will drop any ship to tactical
> speed at about 100 miles from it (or about one hour away).

I think this should be your second paragraph as it would be better to
establish what crystal spheres are and how big they are *before* discussing
movement between them.

> Navigation is as much art as skill; currents look almost exactly alike
> in their swirling colours and layers though different to the
> experienced eye.

You definitely need to move that paragraph above this one as you are coming
back to navigation in the phlogiston after leaving it. Coming back to this
paragraph, there is something a bit jarring about the first sentence.
Firstly I'm pretty sure that the semi-colon should be replaced by a colon.
Semi-colons replace clauses like "and" and "but". Colons are usually used to
separate two related sentences. Double check this. Maybe a comma after
"layers" could improve it, but I think a rewrite would be better. I think
the readers eye might flow over it a bit easier if it said something like:

"Navigation is as much art as skill: currents look almost exactly alike with
their swirling colours and layers, although an experienced eye can see the
difference."

> Travel time is usually measured in days or weeks, as there are no
> reference points to measure speed.  One can travel the phlogiston
> without using the currents but this tends to be extremely dangerous as
> the chances of getting lost are quite high.

I think that you should reverse the order of these two sentences. The last
one in the paragraph deals with currents (the same topic as the first
sentence) the middle one deals with travel time (a different subject). I
also think it is worth saying something like: "The time taken to travel
between spheres is usually measured in days or weeks..." because at the
moment it isn't clear what time you are measuring.

> Crystal Spheres
> Crystal Spheres house what you would refer to as solar systems and the
> size of these spheres are determined by the size of the planetary
> system inside (or vice versa?).

By the way "solar system" refers to the Sun and its planets. In science
other systems are all called "star systems" so this does sound wrong to my
ear. However, given that Spelljammer has stars and suns as different types
of objects you can't use "star systems". Maybe you should stick with
planetary system. It is what they use in the Concordance.

By the way the Concordance also calls a crystal sphere a crystal shell. You
write crystal spheres a lot in this and it might be easier on the eye if you
alternated between crystal sphere, sphere, crystal shell and shell.

According to the Concordance a crystal sphere is usually twice as large as
the orbit of the outermost planet. I would expect that the rule wouldn't
hold true with a place like the Astromundi Cluster. I would expect that some
bits of the destroyed planets would move outside the previous orbit of the
outermost planet. Although I suppose it is possible that some sort of force
keeps the asteroids and rubble from crossing the half diameter limit. (I
actually spent ages looking for something about planetary distances in the
Astromundi Cluster Boxed Set recently to check this and couldn't find
anything in it to expand on the rules in The Concordance.)

The "(or vice versa?)" looks wrong to me. Maybe I just don't like question
marks in the middle of sentences. Did you write this because *you* were not
sure if the rule worked the other way or because you want to state that in
your game *characters* don't know which way it works. If you meant the
second way, I think that it is better than what TSR wrote. After all if
people can't work out what crystal spheres are made out of, how could they
work out if the sphere controls the size of a system or the system controls
the size of a sphere. I'd probably rewrite that bit to say something like:

"Crystal spheres house planetary systems. Their size is determined by the
system within
them: they are almost always at least twice the size of the diameter of the
outermost planet. It is not known if the sphere controls the size of the
system or the system controls the size of the sphere."

> The illusion of stars in the night sky
> are manifested in different ways if at all in different spheres.

Stars are *not* an illusion in most spheres (although there might be some
spheres where they are illusions). Stars are usually real objects that
people can touch. (Many people seem to make stars portals to the plane of
radiance so they are not exactly safe to
touch!)

> There are a number of ways to get in or out of Crystal Spheres and
> different Spheres may allow all or none of these methods to work.
> 1)      Some can be bypassed with a dimension door spell.  The traveller
> blinks from one side to the other.
> 2)      A phase door spell or magical device that duplicates that spell
> allows a portion of the shell to become         immaterial so a ship can
> pass through.
> 3)      Naturally-occurring portals pierce the shell in various locations
at
> random spots.
> 4)      Some creatures are able to open portals.
> Note: One cannot teleport through most Crystal Spheres.

You missed one out. In some spheres the stars themselves are portals between
the inside and outside of the shell. If you move the bit about stars below
this section, the reader will have already been introduced to the idea of
portals. You could then say something
like:

"Most crystal spheres have stars on their insides, although there are some
spheres that don't have any stars at all. What exactly a star is differs
from sphere to sphere. In some spheres they are gigantic gems. In other
spheres giant towers on their inner surface support bright fires that burn
on their roofs. Some stars are portals connecting to the plane of radiance,
while others are portals that connect to the outside of the sphere. Other
stars may be something else entirely. Obviously a captain needs to know
exactly what he is doing before trying to fly his ship into the heart of a
star because flying into the wrong kind of star would vaporise his ship and
crew!"

I'm going to carry on in another email as this is getting a bit long.

David "Big Mac" Shepheard
Virtual Eclipse Role Playing Club
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/virtualeclipselrp/links/d20_system_00107193
7434/Spelljammer_001071430476
http://virtualeclipse.aboho.com/

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